Me Myself & I
I always tend to ask a lot of questions. I’m not the type of person to always be so sure of myself. I often question the things I do and why I do what I do. A lot of people have told me that it isn’t good to always question yourself and to have more confidence. It’s not that I am not confident, really, like I said, I just ask a lot of questions.
I’ve never had to worry about so much about my public image when I was growing up in the country side of Thailand. There just wasn’t much to worry about besides food, family and any education we could get. Or maybe it just seemed that way because I was young and naïve. All I knew about what was important was from watching my parents and elders. Growing up, I was always told to do what’s right regardless of what people will think. I was a very outgoing kid, so I had a lot of friends. In the rural parts, kids tend to do a lot of foolish and stupid past time activities. I remember we would run around breaking things, stealing store items because we simply couldn’t afford it, stealing animals, a lot of bad stuff. Then one day, my mom had found out because the store owner got a good look of my face. She whooped me real good. Ever since then, I would try my hardest to stay out of trouble.
It was always like that with me. I’m the “you live and learn” type of guys. I won’t learn before consequences, but after the consequence, I learn. My parents did an even share of teaching me what’s right and wrong. No one taught me more than the other. My mom was the more strict type of teacher. She would tell me time and time again to not do certain things, but me being a kid, I simply couldn’t help it. But, once she finds out, it’s game over for me, literally. My dad is the more religious, easy going type. He partied a lot too. I remember seeing him drinking and smoking with his friends all the time when I was little. He would always ask if I wanted a sip or a puff. I always said no of course, but it did tempt me quite a bit. He’s one of the most naturally good spirited people I know. He tends to look at the good in people, rather than the bad. I guess that’s why he’s always so happy. He’d always told me to not dwell in bad situations, past or present, because that would ruin my mood, which then will make me stress out, and my health will be affected. I guess that’s where I get my personality from.
People who know me would say that I am one of the happiest people they know. I’m almost always in a good mood. I get over bad situations very quickly and I move on quickly. I always need to try new things, anything. I hate the idea of staying the same, whether it’s with food, places, cloths etc. But, when I do try something new, and the consequences are much higher than the reward, I will never try that again. I guess you could say that I’m basically a sponge; I’m a spitting image of my parents’ personality, and looks for that matter. Although my parents’ ways of parenting have molded me into who I am, I can’t say that they’re the only ones who’ve had an impact on me.
My parent’s choice to move my family and me across the world to the United States is one of the biggest influences in who I am now. When I arrived at the San Francisco airport on August 24, 2000, I was amazed by all the big buildings and the technology and the busy streets, everything amazed me at that point. Soon after settling in with my mom’s friend at her house in Antioch, California, I had to start school. I started school in the States as a second grader at John Muir Elementary school. I thought I would be just fine starting school in a whole new country. That was until my actual first day of school where I had experienced the biggest culture shock in my life. I didn’t know any more than about seven words in the English language, I had no idea what anyone was talking about and I had no friends. No one wanted to be my friend. Until one day, at school, some random guy came up to me and asks to be my friend. That was my first friend in the US.
My first friend in the US, who I’m going call “John” because I don’t want to name any names, made my life so much easier by simply asking one question. John had just happened to live literally down the street from where I was living. We would always walk to and from school together. We hung out during recess and lunch and even after school and on the weekends. Soon enough, my “FOB” accent was gone, and I had picked up a lot of the American customs by then, mainly because of John. I knew about Christmas, and Thanks Giving and the turkey and the presents, the trees. I fell in love. The very first Christmas that I had ever experienced was in Antioch and I fell in love. By Christmas time that year, I had basically integrated with the American customs. I had more friends, I became out going again, and things just seemed to be really great. The next thing I know, I am moving, yet again.
By March, 2001, my family and I had moved down to southern California to the city of Glendale. Needless to say, I had experienced yet another culture shock. But, this one was more manageable. Glendale was the place where I looked like another American born kid. No one knew, or could tell that I wasn’t born here. I think the massive culture shock I had experienced by moving to the US had really pushed me to become an American. By the fourth grade, I was living two separate identities. I was very traditionally Thai at home, but super American outside. I didn’t know my balance just yet. I also became friends with another person whose impact in my life is quite significant. I’ll call him Brian. Brian and I became best friends very quickly. He’s Filipino and his family was strictly Catholic. His family soon welcomed me into their home and I became basically family to them soon after.
Since my parents were working extra hours to support my sibling and me, they weren’t home very much. I was mostly over at Brian’s house. I spent every Thanks Giving and Christmas there and new years, and Easter, basically every American holiday. Spending so much time with Brian and his family really helped me with my grades as well. Brian’s a very bright person. We started competing with grades from report cards, quizzes, reading speed, spelling abilities, you name it. Seeing how proud his parents were of his grades had really pushed me to do my best in school. I worked very hard for an elementary school student. I would jump right on the homework, study before tests. It all paid off when I saw my parents’ expressions every time my report card came in the mail. Seeing them proud makes me want to do even better.
In the middle of my fifth grade year, we have move again to the ghettos of East Los Angeles. This time around, I didn’t feel any culture shock at all. I guess I was at that point where I felt comfortable enough to mingle with strangers and make friends. The time that I had lived in East LA had to be some of the best times I had up to that point. I made new friends very quickly, and I was at that age where all I wanted to do was go out and play. I still kept my grades in check, however. Shortly after the rest of my fifth grade year, I started middle school there at Nightingale Middle School in Cypress Park. I had made a new friend on my first day of school and he’s been my best friend since. I started hanging with bigger groups of friends and started doing more “grown up” things. I would see older kids steal from liquor stores and tag up the walls in Lincoln Heights. Sure enough, I followed right in their footsteps.
I would get straight A’s in school and be running from the police at night. That was the life in East LA. Oddly enough, I didn’t mind it at all. I liked it to be honest. The media was not helping either. All these new songs I began to listen to about gangs and drinking and women and vulgar languages, I couldn’t get enough of them. Sure enough, I started to use those songs as inspiration on what I wanted to do. Thinking back about it now, it was just so dumb how I went about living my life. I was so close to joining a blood gang because my next door neighbor was really close to me and he turned out to be an “OG” in the gang. I started getting into fights at school, and outside of schools. I even started carrying a pocket knife with me at all times. The only thing that had stopped me from getting initiated into the gang was the thought of disappointing and hurting my parents. I was taught that hurting your parents is the worst sin you can ever commit in life, and that is something I can never do.
After completing my middle school years, it was time to go on to the all mighty high school. Eddy (my best friend) and I had chosen to attend Verdugo Hills High School, which was about twenty five minutes away from where we lived, instead of the local Lincoln High School, because we wanted to get away from that kind of life style.
My high school years were the most memorable four years ever. I had really found out what type of person I am during those four years. I started out in high school very timid and reserved. Mainly because the only person I knew going into it was Eddy. I made friends here and there, but I was pretty much invisible. Then sophomore year came and I had decided to join the football team, which was really the main turning point of my personality in high school. I became more outgoing and confident. I started talking to people I didn’t even know. I also became more and more noticed. Random people would start talking to me, and I started joining clubs and participating in events. Sophomore year was also the time where Celine and I got together, and the rest is history.
Having a cheerleader girlfriend and being a starter football player in high school gave me an enormous self esteem boost. My true character began to show itself more and more as I started to express myself to others. By this point, there were no questions in my mind that I am considered an American. Although I was born and raised in Thailand, my personality is all American. I still kept my Thai culture with me though. I regularly go to the Thai Temple with my parents, eat Thai food, pray in Thai, celebrate Thai holidays, you name it. I think it is a very healthy way of life. Why should someone have to compromise, just because they’re in a new environment? I sure didn’t. Although I think the amount of times that I’ve had to move and readjust myself to the according environment had held me back a bit on figuring out my Thai culture.
Out of the blue, around my junior year, I began having more and more interest about my native culture. I began asking my parents about the culture, and even did my own research. Once I started to get tattoos, it became apparent to me that the only things I would have tattooed on my body would be about my family and my native culture. I got tattoos of my parents’ names, and more afterwards that represents Thailand and Buddhism. Another reason why I started having a higher interest in my culture is because of the whole eleven years that I had been living here in the US, I had never once been back to visit my home land. I had missed out on eleven years of culture. I don’t regret it of course, but I do wish that I could have experienced a little bit of it. All the things I would hear about from my relatives back home, and from my parents past experiences and even from my own memories of my childhood, still make me so eager to just learn more about my culture. I know there’s more to it than just the things that I practice today, and I want to one day practice them myself, and pass it down to my kids eventually.
A lot had happened in my life, and the result of that is who I am today. I believe that all the things that had happened to me, whether it was good or bad, all have contributed into forming my character. Some were more significant than others of course. My parents have taught me to be responsible, loyal, disciplined, and honest. At the same time, they’ve taught me that it is important to not be afraid to try new things in life, and have fun, just as long as you don’t end up hurting anyone, including yourself in the process. My friends have taught me the American culture, and what it means to grow up as a kid in America. The places that I’ve lived in made me experience multiple sides and cultures in the US. Adapting to each one was different, but an unforgettable experience. I know that no matter what situation I am in, I can, and will adapt. Integration, to me, is the best way to deal with exposure to a new and different environment. There’s absolutely nothing wrong about welcoming new customs while keeping your old one. In fact, I believe that by doing so, the result is that you’ll be a more well rounded person in life. I think that I am a very well rounded person. I can deal with all kinds of people in different environments. I am really proud of whom I’ve become in life, and I have all of the people in my life to thank for it. Because without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today. And I like who I am, I think I’m a pretty cool guy, I’d want to hang out with me. (Smiley face)
Omg, I love apples. They’re my favorite.
No, you’re fucking confused, they’re FUCKING Pineapples.
Stupid ass…. Thas fuckin bananas .
the fuck are you guys talking about?…they’re obviously oranges -_____-
oh i love watermelons (:
OMG. I LOVE SQUID.
you guys are all dumb. that’s obviously clam.
Okay no wtf? CLEARLY IT’S MANGO’S -.-
Dude those are chocolate bars.
Smh. These are clearly cinnabons.
Ooh! Teddy grams. my favorite :D
thats lychee idiots
It’s actually a Rambutan, a fruit native to south east asia. it looks NO WHERE like an orange.. or a lychee.. or a pineapple. you guys need to do your homework.
beyonce had one of thee best performances on the vma’s on that note, this song is my relationship, corny af i know. idgaf i love him :)
now everybody asks me why im smiling out from ear to ear, they say love hurts
but i know, it’s gonna take a little work. nothing’s perfect, but it’s worth it after fighting through my fears. & finally you put me first
:] god dam. i love you so much <3
Jamie Suarez. jamiesaurus.tumblr.com
My fashion style - I have more of a relaxed style. I don’t really like dressing up unless it’s for a special occasion. I prefer jeans or sweats over a skirt or dress. Like… I’d rather shop for a comfortable v-neck and basketball shorts than a fancy top.
Insecurities - My tummy, boobs & thighs.
Favorite Stores - I don’t really have a favorite store, but I do like shopping at Charlotte Russe, Old Navy & Ross :) I’m not really fancy, if I like it and it looks good AND it’s cheap… I’m all over it.
Inspiring Words - remember, no one is perfect. the real beauty comes from within and having confidence in yourself is key.
Shanice Nilo. shanicerobinn.tumblr.com
my insecurity: i am self conscious about how thin my arms are. i am underweight, and unhealthy. and i think my arms show it that the most, whether i wear fitted clothes or baggy clothes. some shirts that look good on my friends don’t look that great on me, it ends up just looking like a big piece of cloth
my style: i like simplicity, simple looks with just a little bit of personality kind of thing
where i shop: urban outfitters&f21 are my go to stores, but really if i see something cute somewhere at an affordable price i will buy it!
my advice: at the end of the day looks don’t matter, be comfortable with yourself but more importantly with who you are. your inspirations shouldn’t be models, but instead role models, people who really stand for something
that awkward moment when you’re rubbing a kids back and you fart and you blame the kid and your coworkers believe you. xD